This is an attempt to take my friends and family along on my journey toward gaining better understanding of what I "hear" via cochlear implant surgery and to let them see the world as I experience it along the way.
My surgery is set for December 19, one week from today.
For a bit of background, I began losing hearing about ten years ago. After hiding my head in the sand for a few years, I started wearing hearing aids. I went through about four different models, each one helping me somewhat for a while and then becoming pretty useless. Last spring, with my hearing measuring less than 10 percent in either ear in the range of human voices, I attended a convention of the SayWhatClub and did my first serious exploration of the cochlear implant (CI) world. Many of the convention attendees were sporting CIs and understanding pretty well with them. Interacting with them convinced me to pursue the matter further.
So I read about the three companies that manufacture the instruments and researched the reputations of the medical facilities near me that provided this surgery and care. I debated between going to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and the Hospital at the University of Pennsylvania (HUP) in Philadelphia, finally deciding to stay closer to home at least in part because of the number of trips I'd have to make to the facility to have my CI "mapped." I also learned that the two had comparable reputations in this field so I felt that either place would be a good choice.
So I made an appointment at HUP and began the testing process. The test that threw me the most was sitting in an empty room with only a couple of speakers (not the human kind) and trying to repeat short sentences and two-syllable words. I failed miserably, which I knew was a good thing in terms of my being approved for a cochlear implant, but I was depressed by it and found myself on the verge of tears. After all, I had never flunked a test in my life!
Many tests later, with a few wrinkles thrown in, I was scheduled for surgery on December 19. It is rapidly approaching.
Perhaps you would like to know what life is like now with my very little hearing and my very strong hearing aids. I do pretty well, one on one, and can carry on a fairly normal conversation that way. I might, however, think you were describing your brother when you were talking about your mother or I might gather that you are crazy about a book you just read, but I might get the wrong title. If we're riding in a car together and I am in the front seat while you are in the back, or visa versa, I could not understand what you were saying unless I turned my head so I could watch your lips. If I am driving, we'd need to have a silent trip if we wanted to stay alive (with my eyes on the road). If you are driving, the same would be true--but with your eyes on the road and your mouth facing forward so I could not read your lips.
In lectures, theater productions, musicals, movies and concerts, I cannot understand the words that come from the stage (unless there are visible captions). I can hear and appreciate the music, except for the high notes (violin solos often look partly like pantomimes to me and piano notes just click above a certain point). But I can't understand the lyrics.
In social situations, at a crowded affair like a wedding, I can understand almost none of what anyone says to me while at group dinners or book club meetings (even with round tables of six or eight) I can get only glimpses of conversations, which I then usually misinterpret (I call that my creative hearing).
As a result, after misunderstanding or interrupting enough times I back out and clam up, rather than say the wrong thing at the wrong time or in the wrong context again, and thus I become isolated, look dumb or boring and feel lonely. It is not fun, but I do realize there are many worse things in the world.
So that is where I find myself at the moment, at the beginning of this blog. I will try to keep you informed as I go through the surgery, recovery, mapping, homework, and discovery and let you know how it all feels and seems from the inside out. It will be a long process. I will not be "turned on" until January 13, so I will be totally deaf in my CI ear between December 19 and January 13, if all goes well. What I will hear on January 13 is anybody's guess! I hope you will find the story interesting and that I find the process successful. (-:
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